During my career journey over the past year, I’ve had many challenges and struggles that I’ve had to learn to overcome. One of those challenges has been learning to overcome my social anxiety while working in retail. I’ve taken the initiative to work on it through therapy, self-reflection, and seeking advice that can help me out in the long run, such as reading self-help books and finding inspirational videos. But sometimes, it still feels like I’m just simply not doing enough.
I started working as a retail stylist in 2024, hoping to combine my love of fashion with my business skills while becoming more comfortable speaking with people daily. This past March, I started a new job as a luxury style advisor that had a lot more responsibility. Having skills and experience from my previous job helped a lot. Still, I had to adjust to many new experiences as well. This includes working my first full-time job, balancing work and personal life, adjusting to a new environment, learning to be punctual at work (still working on that, btw), and more. Another thing that also came into play in why it was harder for me to adjust is learning to work with my neurodivergence.
Social Anxiety and Neurodivergence
This can explain so much of my anxiety, which results in my somewhat awkward behavior at times. Although I’ve improved so much during my daily conversations, I still tend to be a bit too hard on myself. I’ll overthink a conversation if it didn’t go as smoothly as I hoped or if I accidentally stumbled on my words. Even if I make a mistake at work, I feel that I’ll get punished for it. (Which is probably just PTSD from my previous job.) I tend to take things very personally, and I also often feel an unnecessary feeling of guilt, especially when making decisions. This can stem from people-pleasing and being overly considerate of others whether it’s with a customer or co-worker.
My lack of confidence has always been one of my most challenging problems to overcome at times. I’ve been learning not to be too hesitant and take initiative on my own. Essentially, learning to be more assertive is a necessary skill in luxury retail and in life, and is crucial to achieving success and getting what you want. This is advice I am constantly told by everyone. Because they know that I’m shy and that usually doesn’t mix well with being on a sales floor.
My goal has always been to enhance my skills so I can apply them successfully in both my personal and professional life. I am just as good as anyone else, and I want to have a successful career. But this can also lead to me feeling burned out due to overperforming. Sometimes I come home from work exhausted, not just because of the workload, but also from pretending to be someone I’m not. I know we’ve all heard the term, “Fake it until you make it”. I’ve been advised to view work as an acting job to help, but sometimes it just makes me feel inauthentic. I feel like I’m not being truly myself and could be giving people a false version of me.
Fake It ‘Til You Become It
I recently heard the term from a TED Talk, “Fake It ‘Til You Become It”, and it made me see it differently. The speaker, Amy Cuddy, mentioned this quote after feeling like she didn’t belong in a space she had worked hard to reach, and I can relate. Which reminds me of another feeling I’ve been dealing with — imposter syndrome. I know how hard I’ve worked in the past year to get to where I am. I am not the person that I used to be. I’ve made hard decisions, and I’ve matured so much. I know that I deserve to be in my position. Still, whether I’m being acknowledged or celebrated for what I’ve accomplished, or even given constructive criticism, I start to think I’m just not supposed to be there, or I’m on the wrong career path.
Just Be New
I recently saw a TikTok of someone saying When you start a new job, allow yourself to be new. This is something that I struggled with at first. When I see the top performers in my job, I think about how I want to consistently be one, but it has not been as easy in my position so far. I start to feel like I should be doing more and that I need to prove myself to others that I am just as capable as they are. I start comparing myself to them and wonder how I am perceived by them.
Overall, I want to be seen as successful, but I must remember that I’m still learning and will achieve this over time. I need to work on my patience and continue to improve, but not overwork myself into exhaustion trying to be someone I’m not. Also, I can’t let negative thoughts or feelings deter my motivation. I have to give myself my own validation because not everyone will see my worth. I have my own unique way of doing things, which is a positive trait about being neurodivergent. There’s no comparison necessary. I will succeed and become a top performer when it’s meant to be within my own time.
Slow and Steady Wins The Race
To end on a more positive note, I’ve been telling myself that slow and steady wins the race. There are a lot of good things that have come with this opportunity as well, such as having access to luxury items, being able to increase my income, making new friends and connections, gaining knowledge on designer brands, learning to dress more professionally, developing more social skills, and overall adding more experience to my resume. I don’t know where this job will take me in the future, but I’m putting my trust in God’s plan that it will lead to bigger and better things. I am confident that I will achieve all my goals in the end.
What is something that you’ve struggled with in your career journey, and how did you overcome it? Comment below!
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